Tools explained by a do-it-yourselfer
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Mark posted this classic Devil’s Dictionary of a DIYer’s definition of tools on Dinosaurs and Robots:

DRILL PRESS:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings objects across the room, denting the freshly-painted vertical stabilizer which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL:
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench at the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, ‘Oh sh*t’

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL:
Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.

SKILL SAW:
A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.


Tools Explained by a Do-It-Yourselfer

6 thoughts on “Tools explained by a do-it-yourselfer

  1. great, almost pee’d myself laughing already at the opener! gonna read the article now. carefully… i feel many diy-people laughing on the floor with me. hehe…

  2. I recently discovered the best use for a jointer/planer: manicure. Also, next time I visit the professional manicurist I get a 10% discount.

  3. I literally had tears running down my face from laughing so hard after reading this. I think I can personally attest to at least 90% of the descriptions.

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Gareth Branwyn is a freelance writer and the former Editorial Director of Maker Media. He is the author or editor of over a dozen books on technology, DIY, and geek culture. He is currently a contributor to Boing Boing, Wink Books, and Wink Fun. And he has a new best-of writing collection and “lazy man’s memoir,” called Borg Like Me.

View more articles by Gareth Branwyn